We did manage to stay together till December of that year. Then the day after Christmas our 'Uncle" Ben came over to visit. We called him Uncle Ben, even though he wasn't really our uncle. He was my father's best friend and his best man at their wedding. He lived far away. Always worked on some government project. I remember he worked on the Panama Canal area for a while. Other than that I don't know much about where he worked. He was the one that was running around with that woman in Frankfort that I babysat for a few years earlier.
So when he came to visit, he said he wanted to take Pam over to his sister's house with him. My father was going also. They left with Pam and we didn't see her again. When my father came home he told us that Pam was going to live with the Zuis's in Herkimer. And that she'd have a nice home.
We were all so pissed about that! She had just gotten new toys and clothes for Christmas and those people didn't want one thing! That made me mad. And we couldn't go see her except for one time. The Zuis's let all of us come visit her. She had nice new clothes and looked happy. Pam was such a cute little girl. We missed her terrible but knew that it was for the best. She had a nice home now. And it was warm! The family didn't want us visiting after that one time because they wanted Pam to forget where she came from.
The poor little kids always looked like little rag-a-muffins anyway and they froze in their beds at night. At least Pam never had to worry about that again. We heard that the doctor told the Zuis's that Pam had frostbite. Because she always turned so blue when she got a little chilled.
Dad found himself a girlfriend during this time too. Her name was Janet. We hated her. He'd bring her and her three kids over and make us babysit . We didn't need her kids in the house too. There were enough there. Then she and my father would go out all the time and get drunk. He had met her in a bar of course. It wasn't really her kid's fault that they had a drunk for a mother and we had a drunk for a father. A couple times I even went to her house to babysit only because she paid me. She was living in Mohawk with an old man at that time.
Dad was always out drinking after our mom died. We never had much food in the house and life was real bad.
Sometimes while dad was out drinking, I'd sneak out too. Vivian, from next door, and I, would walk up street and wander around. Sometimes we'd take the bus to Frankfort and go to this little place where kids hung out. We always thought those Italian boys were cute. One night she and I dared to go into a bar up there. Some boys talked us into it. We sat in the back room so no one would see us. We were seventeen at that time. The guys bought us a drink. I remember it was a vodka and orange. We only had that one and then we left. We were too scared to be in there. So we started walking home and who should come along? My father! He had his brother's car. He stopped and asked us where the hell we thought we were going and wanted to know where we'd been. We didn't dare lie so we told him. He drove us right back to that bar and made us go inside and told the bar tender to get a good look at us so we'd never get served again. Yikes! I was afraid he was going to beat me when I got home but he never did. Amazing.
Vivian and I would sneak out a lot. My father was never home anyway. And Jeanne and Chris would watch the kids.
One time we almost got caught again. I had to go to the bathroom so we decided to go into the Ilion Bowling Center. Vivian went into the bar area to talk to some friends but I stayed in the Girl's room. We left and as we walked out the door, there was my father walking down the street towards us! We ran back inside and hid in the bathroom till the coast was clear. And you might know he had to sit next to the window where he could see out into the alleys and also in line of view of the bathrooms! We had to wait quite a while before he turned his head. Then we high-tailed it out that door fast and home. That was a close one! Ha! Ha!
The next one to leave was the baby. This woman, Esther, that dad had known from the bars years ago and who's mother was a good friend of our Aunt Ruth's, wanted Bernie. She was married to Joe Terenzetti at that time so my father thought it would be okay for them to adopt him. These people lived way down in Middletown, NY. But they drove all the way and took Bernie at the end of December. My Aunt Ruth was so mad about that. She didn't care for the type of person Esther was, or had been, and didn't think she'd make a good mother. But there was nothing Aunt Ruth could do. My father was just giving the kids away. Sounded terrible at that time. We didn't get to see the baby very often. One time we did when Esther came to visit up at Aunt Ruth's, so us kids could come there and see him. My father never saw him though. He didn't want to. Which was a good thing. We found out that if the Terenzetti's hadn't taken Bernie when they did, he would have died from Pneumonia. He had it when he left our house. We never knew it though. No wonder. The way my father made us take him from a warm room to upstairs in our freezing rooms at night. So it was the best that he had gone when he did, or there wouldn't be any "Mike" now. His name was changed after the adoption.
Eventually the other kids went into foster homes. Two of them got adopted together soon after they went into the homes. My mother's cousin wanted them, so Ricky and Carol went to Oneida to live. Little Debby never did get adopted. She ended up in a foster home on a farm with my two brothers, Steve and Jim. We found out later on that she was being molested by the foster father. My Aunt Ruth tried to get her out of there but it never happened. She left when she turned sixteen. I even tried to get her because I ended up getting married in April of 1964. I thought that I could get some of those kids if I was married. But it never happened. The Social Service people thought I was too young. Assholes! But in the end, that was for the best also. That is all I am going to write about. This is the end of my childhood years..
The "Mom" ribbon that was on her flowers at the funeral home and her obituary.
June 10, 1963
We all got up to go to school this morning. I was the first one up. There was a note lying on the dining table. It was from mom. She told me to wake Jeanne up to help get the little ones off to school, but not Ricky because he had the measles and had to stay home. She wrote, "Be good all you kids" "Love Mom". Jeanne tore up the note. Guess she was mad that she had to do that.
Mom had gone to the hospital at 4:00 in the morning. Dad had to ride his bike over the tracks and bridge to the A&P to the public phone to call a taxi. Dad had come home for a few minutes to tell me to stay home that afternoon. He said mom was in an oxygen tent. I had only a half day of school that day, in the afternoon.
Shortly after he left, the hospital called to Mrs. Rose's house next door. They wanted to talk to Dad and was told that he had already left.
I had a funny feeling that something was wrong. Why would the hospital be calling? Maybe the baby had something wrong with it.
I waited to hear from Dad. No word yet. Ricky was sick and laying on the couch with measles. Debby, Carol and Pam were playing, and all excited to have a new baby soon.
Between 3:00 and 4:00 P.M. my father was walking up the sidewalk with our minister, Rev. VanOrnum and my Aunt Ruth. I started getting real nervous. Rev. VanOrnum never comes to our house. I thought to myself that something went wrong with the baby. Mom had gone into the hospital all those other times to have babies and nothing ever happened.
The other kids were just starting to get home from school. Rev. VanOrnum told us the best way he could that our mom had died. The baby boy had been born at 1:46 that afternoon but my mother started hemorrhaging and they couldn't stop it, no matter how much blood they gave her.
We were all crying. The little ones couldn't figure out what was wrong. How do you tell little children that their mother just died? They didn't quite understand. Soon all the kids were home and got the sad news and it was so hard to try and stop crying.
Aunt Dorothy (Mom's sister) came speeding down from Syracuse as fast as she could and my Uncle Don came right down also from Utica. Meanwhile Rev. VanOrnum left us so that we could all cry together.
It was a terrible time for all of us. I never dreamed that mom would die. I felt very guilty all of a sudden, remembering how I swore at her sometimes. We all did. I guess I just had lost some respect for her because she allowed my father to beat her and us kids all the time. Now I would never forgive myself for saying anything mean to her. (I sometimes wonder how my sister Jeanne feels. She was real mean to mom at times.)
Preparations had to be made for the funeral. I remember going with my Aunt Dorothy to help pick out a casket. Aunt Dorothy always kept a small insurance policy on mom so that she wouldn't have a "welfare" funeral. The way she talked is that people on welfare only get a cheap pine box. We picked out a very nice casket. That was a very difficult thing to do. Aunt Dorothy even bought mom a new dress. I never knew that the ones you buy from the funeral homes are only half dresses and open in the back. She could have worn one of her favorite fancy dresses I thought. But I was only a 16 1/2 year old kid. What did I know? I don't remember dad going with us. I presume he didn't because my mother's sisters hated him, for all the beatings he gave her over the years. In fact, I found out later that when Aunt Ruth was driving him home that day she wanted to run him into a tree. She didn't even think about killing herself. Sure glad she didn't do that. She had four kids of her own and a nice husband.
I borrowed a dress from my cousin to wear to the funeral parlors the first night. I was crying so much before I even went there and then I couldn't go into the room where she was. I stayed in the other room. It was all a blur to me. All these people coming up to me and saying how sorry they were.
6/11/63-Tuesday Wrote in my diary.
I didn't look at Ma tonight. I was afraid to.
There were lots and lots of people there. I never knew mom had so many friends. But she had grown up in Ilion and graduated from Ilion High. She had been a nurses aid and worked at the Remington Typewriter Factory when she was young and then again in 1960-61. All I remember is wanting them people to shut up every time they came up to me that first night.
The next morning Aunt Dorothy took me to J's, a nice ladies clothing store in Ilion, and bought me a very nice navy and white dress. She wanted me to look nice for the funeral.
6/12/63-Wednesday
I got through this day alright. I cry every time I go there. I finally went over to mom's casket. I couldn't believe all the flowers! There were lots and lots, all over the room. They were so pretty. One bunch said "Husband' and another bunch said "Wife" and yet another said "Children" and one said "Sisters and brothers". On and on.( I never did read all the cards till later.)
Mom looked so peaceful lying in that casket. She looked like she was just resting. Till I touched her. She was so cold. I had to sit down because I started to cry too hard again.
June 13, 1963-Thursday
I will never forget this day. It was very hard to sit in that front row in front of mom. I was crying all through the service and really didn't hear much of what Rev. VanOrnum was saying. It was a short service. Then we all had to go up to the casket one by one and say our last goodbyes and prayers. Then out to the waiting big black cars and to the cemetery. Dad sat in the front seat. I and some of the kids were right behind him in the back . Dad was crying too! I never thought he would ever cry! He must have been holding it all inside till he got in that car. I didn't see him cry inside. (Maybe it was his guilt)
I hated the thought of our mother being put into the ground. There was a cement vault lining the hole and I guess then they lower the casket into that. It made me feel better to know that she wouldn't have dirt all over her nice casket. (Funny how we think in times like that)
The service at the cemetery was quick and then we all got back into the cars and went back to the funeral home and got into Aunt Ruth and Aunt Dorothy's cars to go back to our house.
Some of the relatives were already at our house and there was so much food!
I was so embarrassed to have all those people in the house though. We didn't have a working toilet and no hot water. The house was terrible. We never had any furniture that looked nice. we'd just throw covers over the couch to cover the holes.
A cousin of my mom's, Ida, from Oneida, was a big woman, and I can recall her having to go to the bathroom and I thought to myself, " Oh no! How will she ever fit into that chair with the pot under it?" But she came out and never said a word about it. Guess she fit okay. That's all we had for a toilet. A wooden chair that had the seat cut out of it and rails underneath that you could slide a pot onto. When it got full, the boys would have to take it out back and dump it into a hole that my father had dug. Yuk! Can you imagine living like that? I can't ,now, but we survived somehow.
There were still clothes hanging on the line and I can remember wishing I had taken them down so Uncle Don wouldn't see how gray the white ones were. Uncle Don and Aunt Helen had such a nice home with all new furniture. I don't think Uncle Neil came to the house. I can't recall him being there. Just at the funeral home. We weren't that close to his family even though they lived right in Ilion. His kids seemed to look down on us in school because we were poor.
I still can't believe all the people that came to see our mother at the funeral home and to the funeral. The book that everyone signed is full! I'm so glad that my mother was well liked. It means a lot to me.
I never wrote in my diary again till June. Must have been too busy and too many things going on. On June 6th I wrote that school was almost out. One more week to go! We were doing okay in school, mixing in with the grade school area. We all missed our old school though.
Mom went to my cousin Franny's baby shower on June 6th. Got one photo from that day which shows mom pregnant. Not many photos were taken of mom. She didn't like her picture taken. She was due any day.
June 8, 1963--Saturday
Vivian and I went to the dance at the Roll-A-Rama in Mohawk. (A roller skating rink) That was the most fun I'd had in a long time. I danced with five boys! The rest I danced with Vivian. We danced every single dance! The boys were.....some cute kid from Frankfort. Don Ames, Dewey Wilkenson, Dicky Bouck from West Winfield and David Sprague from Ilion.
We were talking to one of the "Playboys" ( The band's name) He gave us his business card. We had lots of fun!!
My mother was pregnant again with the eleventh child. It was around March of that year. She wasn't feeling well and ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. She wasn't a very healthy woman anyway, and with my father beating her all the time, how could one expect her to be. He had just beaten her before she got sick. Her resistance must have gotten real low. She was a thin woman.
I remember when it was cold in the house she'd always stand on the registers to get warm. I can still see her standing over that one in the living room, rubbing her hands and trying to stay warm. Then she'd get off and get cold. No wonder she got Pneumonia.
She had to stay in the hospital for a few days. Then she came home for more abuse. It never ended.
My mother had gone out with my father one night. They seemed to go out a lot now that I think about it, but he was in a shuffleboard league and mom would always go to watch. More so to watch him because he couldn't be trusted I guess. They always went to Herkimer to the bars over there. Either Lombardo's or The Star Grille or The Blue Moon. Later that night my mother came home and she came into my bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and told me that dad was in jail. I guess he had hit her right on main Street and the cops arrested him and put him in there for the night. She was crying because she was afraid he'd beat her more when he got out. He'd think it was her that had him arrested. There was nothing I could do but listen to her and try to calm her down. Inside I knew that my father would beat her again, like he always did when he came home drunk. It was a hell of a life. He used to beat on all of us whenever he felt like it.
One time he even put a hot iron on my sister, Jeanne's rear end and left quite a burn. We were always afraid of him.
The next morning he came in the door with that shit eating grin on his face and acted like nothing ever happened. But I could tell my mom was real nervous. I remember him saying that if any cop or trooper stepped onto his porch, he'd shoot them. He'd always have his shotguns around and sometimes even point them at our mother and threaten to shoot her. Just one, mean, bastard he was, that's for sure. I wished they had kept him in jail forever. I never wanted him home really. I always wondered why my mother took him back in when we lived on Montgomery Street, back in 1955, when he got out of jail. She never should have. But who knows why people do the things they do.
Vivian, the girl next door, and I used to meet guys at the dances that we'd go to in town. One time we made a date with a couple of Richfield Springs guys to go to the roller rink up there. Vivian wasn't allowed to go out with guys. I asked my mother if I could go out on a date and I asked her to ask Dad for me because I was afraid to. I was surprised that they actually let me have a date! But what we had planned was weird. The guy that Vivian would be going out with was going to come down and pick us up but I had to pretend that he was my date. I still can't figure that one out. Ha! Ha! Anyway, this guy named Larry Bond was going to come to my door and meet my mother before we went out. I can remember telling my mother to sit on the couch and pretend she was reading the newspaper so she could cover up her belly. Yes, she was pregnant again. I didn't want him knowing that. I guess I was embarrassed. We had enough kids already.
Larry came and I introduced him to mom and we left. We got in the car. His friend, Jim Kelly, was in the back seat. I sat in the front though till we picked Vivian up. She was up the road a bit. Then I got into the back seat with Jim. He was really my date. He was a quiet guy that lived on a farm up there in Richfield Springs. I think he lived with the Bonds for some reason.
We drove up to Richfield Springs to the roller rink and hung around there for a while, then we drove back down towards town but stopped at a restaurant, bar type place on Vickerman Hill called Harry's. I didn't drink though. Not sure if the guys did or not. We didn't stay in there very long. We mostly rode around and then we ended up in the Ilion Gorge and that's where we were necking for quite a while. I and Jim in the back seat and Vivian and Larry in the front. I loved kissing. But that's as far as I'd go. Jim really liked me but I got scared when he mentioned the word "love". Yikes! I sure didn't want anyone telling me that shit!
Jim gave me a hickey on my neck that night. I saw it when I got home and boy, was I pissed. It looked terrible.
Jim came and knocked on our door a couple times after that and wanted to talk to me and I'd run into the bathroom and hide and tell the kids to tell him I wasn't home. Eventually he gave up and I never saw him again. I was scared because he told me he loved me. Guess I thought he'd want more and probably he would have. I wasn't ready for that yet. No way!
In June of 1962, my cousin Barbie passed away at the age of 14, from cancer. It was very tough to see her get thinner and thinner. She had to make many trips to Rochester. It was very tough on my Aunt and Uncle. Barbie had complained about her knee hurting for quite a while and everyone thought it was a sport injury. She always played a lot of sports. It turned out to be cancer. I remember how red and swollen that knee was after she'd come back from having radiation treatments. It was so sad to see her sitting in that chair in the living room. Eventually the cancer traveled and was into other parts of her body. They had wanted to amputate her leg but it was too late. She passed on June 11, 1962. It was so hard to go to the funeral parlors and see her like that. I cried and cried. Barbie was my sister, Christine's age, and she was over to our house a lot and we were at their house a lot. Sometimes trading kids to stay over night.
After she passed, her sister Gloria was going through Barbie's stuff and there was a diary that Barbie had really never wrote in except for a few pages. It was like new so Gloria asked me if I wanted it. I said yes and so I started to write a few lines in that diary when I remembered to. At first I kept writing in it but eventually I would forget for weeks at a time.
Here's a few excerpts from 1962.
10/3/62
The dentist called. I can't get my teeth out. The Welfare won't pay hospital bill. Got to find another dentist that will take a few out at a time.
10/4/62
Went to the Children's Hospital to see the doctor but he wasn't there. He had an emergency.
10/5/62
Dad came home without his cast. I went to the clinic to see the doctor. Got to go to the hospital and get my brace off in two months from today.
10/6/62
Ricky fell out of a tree and landed on a fence. He had fifteen stitches in his leg. I went shopping with Ma. Otherwise I didn't do much today.
10/7/62
Went to Sunday School. Did the offering with Carlyn Neale. Sarah came with the kids. John and Dad went out. John came for Sarah but Dad didn't come back with him. It's 8:00 P.M. and he's not home yet.
10/8/62
Went to school. Got an 85 on my English test! Did nothing special. Just the same old thing. Heard Dad and Ma arguing last night. Mom can sure swear!
10/12/62
No school today! Columbus day. Mom and Dad went out and Aunt Dorothy stayed out with them. They got home at 4:30 A.M.!! Aunt Dorothy stayed at Aunt Ruth's house for the night. She had a stiff neck the next day because she slept on a chair. Ha!
10/13/62
Ma said Gloria was at Boyle's, dancing with Cathy Haggerty. Aunt Dorothy bawled Arnold out because she thought it was so awful because Gloria was there. But she was with Cathy's parents. Aunt Dorothy took the little kids for a ride today.
10/14/62
I didn't go to Sunday School. Yesterday I had fallen down on the rocks at Mackin's and scraped my leg all up. Ouch!
Ma and Dad went out again. Dad had a Shuffleboard meeting. They got home around 9 P.M. That's pretty early!
10/16/62
Dolores gave me her lunch money to hold for her so she wouldn't spend it on candy. Regular day at school. I was the only one in my math class that knew all the answers on our homework paper. Ain't I smart?!!
10/19/62
Babysat for Aunt Ruth last night. Had to watch David while she and Mrs. King and Lorrie King and Jane went to see a movie in Utica. Aunt Ruth gave me a dollar and took me to school in the morning but I was late by a few minutes. We had an assembly today at school. A wrestler was there. He had strong muscles!
10/21/62 (Sunday)
Mom and Dad went to see Grandma, with Mary and Arnold. Suzy, Ron and Mike stayed here. They got home about 9:00. Ma and dad went back out till 3 in the morning.
Sarah had come with her kids too and stayed till 4. We had water balloon fights..Ha!
10/22/62 Monday
Went to the dentist and got six teeth pulled. It didn't hurt though. I'm finally getting them out.
Went to Jane Smith's (My cousin)house for a while and then went home. My mouth was bleeding till at 4:00! And I got them out at 11:30 A.M.
10/23/62
Went to school and didn't want Dolores to see my mouth, but she did, and she laughed. I talk funny when I say words with s's.
10/27/62
Went to the dentist and had six more teeth pulled from the top. I get scared more each time I go. Ha! Ha!
10/28/62
Went to Sunday School. Carlyn came over today. ( Carlyn was a friend who lived over in town. She'd walk over to North Ilion a lot because she liked one of the boys who lived over there.)( Her brother would come over sometimes and her sister also)
We had fun. We went up on Mackin's hill. The boys were chasing Jeanne down the hill and she fell head first. She couldn't remember anything until she got almost home!
10/29/62 Monday
Went to school but got out early to go to the dentist. I got six more teeth pulled from the bottom and a wisdom tooth. Boy! When the numbness went away it hurt real bad.
10/30/62
Didn't go to school because my mouth hurt and it is all swelled up where he cut out the wisdom tooth. It still hurts a lot.
10/31/62
Didn't go to school again. My mouth is still swelled up and it hurts so bad. I cleaned up the house and did all the dishes. Mom went to the Backman's for a Stanley Party.
11/1/62 Thursday
It's my birthday today and I'm sixteen years old! I didn't go to school again. My mouth is all black and blue. I baked my cake and we had ice cream too. Ma gave me $5.00 and Aunt Dorothy gave me $2.00
Carlyn came over. Ma and dad went out.
11/2/62 Friday
Went to the show and seen "Kid Gallahad" with Elvis and "The Magic Sword". They were both pretty good pictures. I didn't go to school today. My mouth is going down a bit now.
My Saturday appointment to the dentist has been cancelled till next Saturday.
11/5/62 Monday No school today!
The boys were reading this diary! I'm mad. I'm selling chances. It's a card that you punch holes out. I've got ten sold so far. I hope I can sell all of them in 15 days to get a prize. (Not sure if I ever did)
11/6/62
Went to school and everyone laughed when they saw I didn't have hardly any teeth in my mouth. I hate going to school without my teeth. We had a science test and I got 82. That's pretty good for me!
11/9/62
Gold and Brown day today. Carlyn came over tonight. She caught up with Jeanne and I while we were doing Steve's paper route. Carlyn and Vivian are out in the field with Jim Moore and Ron Bunce. It's 10:30 P.M. Vivian is kissing Ron and Carlyn is kissing Jim. Ha!
11/10/62 Sat.
Went to the dentist to get the last of my teeth pulled and wisdom tooth cut out. This one didn't bother me like the last one did. I had to make another appointment to get the last two wisdom teeth cut out from the top.
Herkimer beat Ilion today in football.
11/11/62 Sunday
Went to Sunday School today. later, I went up to the boy's fort with Vivian. She always wants me to go with her. She's looking for Ronnie. They were all just sitting there. None of them were smoking. I guess they are sick of smoking. Dick Neale got sick on a cigar. This is the first time I ever been in their fort.
11/12/62 Monday
No school today!!
We went up on the hill and were by the fort for a while. The boys were up on Mackin's hill chasing cows. Vivian stayed up there. I came home with the little kids.
11/15/62
Steve got beat up by Dick Madison today for snitching on him for stealing. Ma got so mad she went right over to the Madison's house in town and told the mother about the fort and their smoking and the girls and everything! Yikes!
I cut my hair today. It looks better short, than long.
11/16/62
Met Carlyn going to the fort with four other girls. Ma and Dad went out. Me and Steve snuck up on Moore's Hill. Freddie Griffin saw us and ran up the hill. Boy! That was close! We told Freddie's father that he was up to the fort and not at the movies like he said. If they had ever caught us, they would have beat us up. Fred would have anyway. He's mean.
11/22/62
We had a fight with Fred Griffin, with snowballs, which ended up in a real fight.
11/23/62
Fighting with Fred again. He fights like a girl and he pounds you on the head and kicks you in the face and boy, is he a dirty fighter! Mom is real grouchy today.
11/24/62 Sat.
Dad and Arnold went hunting. Arnold fell and when he got home he went to the hospital and he had a bad sprain. They put a cast on his leg. Dad sent his crutches over with Mike for his father to use. ( Arnold is dad's brother)
11/25/62 Sunday
Sarah came down. Jeanne and I and Chris went sliding up to Mackin's and Christine got into a fight with Holly Felski. Neither of them won. We were sliding and I fell off the sled and hurt my hand and leg.
11/27/62
Dad had his operation today. Ma didn't go see him.
11/28/62
Regular day at school. Dad is still in the hospital. I'm glad he's not home. Mom was not home because she went to see dad. I walked uptown just for the fun of it.
11/29/62 Thursday
Me, Jeanne and Chris went to recreation at the church. I went to Bamford's Store for about half an hour then went back to the church and kept score for the girls that were playing basketball.
12/1/62 Sat.
Got to go to the dentist today to get my stitches out. I'm going on the bus. All the kids are getting ready to go see Santa and then they are going to a free movie.
12/2/62 Sunday
It's a beautiful day! It was in the 70's and it's December! Dad came home from the hospital today. Aunt Ruth took Mom up to get him
12/8/62
Went to a dance with Vivian and Jeanne. No boys asked us to dance though. We had fun and I danced with Vivian. When we were leaving, three boys were walking behind us. but Mr. Griffin came at just that moment so we didn't get to talk to them. Too bad.
12/14/62 Friday
Went to my Sunday School teacher's house (Dean Cox) and made decorations for the Christmas pageant Sunday.
12/16/62 Sunday
Put all the decorations up in the church. Went to the pageant at 6:30 P.M. and after it was over we had milk and cookies.
12/21/62
We got out of school for Christmas vacation today. We had a party. I got perfume.
12/25/62 Tuesday Christmas Day
It's Christmas! Jeanne and I got a clock radio! I also got knee socks, a ring, bra, blouse, perfume and slippers. We like our radio very much!
12/26/62
Me and Jeanne went over to Aunt Mary's. A tractor trailer smashed our mailbox and steps. It also smashed Burdick's mailbox.
12/27/62
Went to the dentist to get impressions taken for my teeth.
12/31/62
Babysat for Verna in Frankfort. It's New Year's Eve.
I never wrote in this diary again till June of 1963. Guess I got busy with other things and just forgot.
If it wasn't enough to have two operations that year, I also had to start having all my teeth extracted. Not even sixteen years old yet! The dentist said they were too soft and breaking all up. It was a very embarrassing time for me. I hated going to school. Here I was on crutches with a cast on one foot and a brace on the other one. I was always trying to hide my mouth and very seldom talked to anyone because of it. Some of the guys on the bus made fun of me. And here I am at the age where I liked boys. In fact, a boy that I had met while babysitting in Frankfort called to the neighbor's house next door to talk to me. ( We never had a phone) He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies on Saturday night. I told him I'd meet him on the corner by the bank. He hadn't seen me in a while so I had to tell him I'd have crutches and half my teeth out. Well, he stood me up. I guess that was too much for him to handle.. I didn't blame him really. I can't even remember his name. Ha! His father had dated that woman that I babysat for. That's how I met him. It was a very bad time in my life. I felt like hiding at home but I had to go to school. I was let out five minutes earlier than the other kids from all my classes so I'd have time to get up or down the stairs with my crutches.
My brothers and sisters made fun of me too. But me, being the joker that I was, would just make funny faces at the little ones and they'd laugh.
Eventually I got my new teeth and I felt so much better but still didn't like having false teeth. It made me ashamed. I felt even more like a poor kid from across the tracks. In this photo you can see how I wouldn't open my mouth and would actually try to puff my lips a little so no one would notice I didn't have teeth.
My mom sent this to me when I was in the hosptial. Some of the kids signed it.
On February 27, 1962 I had to go back into Children's Hospital to have one foot at a time operated on. They had to do a tendon transplant or what they call a "Jones Procedure".
They did one foot at a time so that I'd be able to use crutches. I thought it would be a piece of cake, after all, it was only my foot. But I was wrong. That was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life. I didn't realize, at that age, that all the nerve endings are in your feet. It hurt like hell for a few days. There was a cast on my foot and up to almost my knee. My toes were visible except my big toe had a steel pin sticking out from it and there was a stainless steel cover over it to protect it from being hit. They had to fuse the first joint in my big toe. The one closest to the toenail.
My feet had been deformed. I'd always walk on the front of my feet which caused that area to look bigger. I sort of walked on my toes all the time or at least it was easy for me to do that. So they cut tendons and transplanted them from one area to another. When it came time to take the first cast off, I could see where they had cut. The top middle of my foot had stitches and the top of my big toe and up the outside of my foot. Also underneath, in the center, of my foot was a little wire sticking out. Guess that was holding the tendons till they healed. And then fusing the toe with that steel pin. The second cast was put on and then I could walk on it. They had taken all the stitches out and had pulled that wire from the bottom at that time too. But the steel pin stayed in my toe till the second cast came off. This all took about three months.
The doctor's wording read:
Re: Operative diagnosis: Old polio foot with cavus deformity, weakness in the anterior tibial tendon and early great claw toe. Done by Dr. L. J. Strobino and assisted by Dr. E. R. Green.
Operation: Arthroidsis, terminal phalangeal joint, great toe left: peroneus longus transplant to the dorsum of the forefoot and transfer of the extenser hallucis longus to the neck of the first metatarsal. (Quite the doctor's language huh?)
I sent away for my medical records so could read some of them. The micro film it was on must have been rotting away though because a lot wasn't readable. All faded. But I was happy to get what I did.
This is exactly what was written on March 2, 1962. The operation on my left foot. As much as I could read anyway.
"With a tourniquet placed high on the left thigh, inflated to 500 mil. of mercury, the leg thoroughly prepared with PHiohex and Zepharin, draped to expose the region of the foot and ankle, surgery performed as follows:
Great toe approached first. A transverse incision was made across the dorsal crease, carried down through the skin and subcutaneous tissue, the extenser tendon completely incised.
Joint opened, cartilage denuded. A small Kirshner wire was run through the distal phalanx, through the joint, fixing the joint firmly in extension. The second incision was made between the first and second metatarsal rays, carried down through the skin and subcutaneous tissue, the first extensor tendon was found, retracted through the second incision. Second incision was then carried deep to the first metatarsal. The first metatarsal was resected superiosteally, drill was taken and the cleft was made across the first metatarsal neck. The extensor longus was run through this defect in the neck and securely fastened to itself with 20 silk suture material.
Next, an incision was made over the lateral aspect of the foot, just proximal to the base of the 5th metatarsal. The peroneous longus tendon was found and divided at this point. Another incision was made over the musculo-tendenous junction of the parenlongus muscle, lateral side of the leg, carried down to the union of the muscle. Muscle retracted through the first incision to the.........
(That is as far as I could read)
March 17, 1962
Patient of Dr. Strobino's, admitted on 2/27/62, discharged this date. Patient had an early cavus foot with the etiology polio imbalance. She has loss of the anterior tibia muscle with an overpowering peroneous and prominence of the first metatarsal head on the plantar surface of the foot. On 3/2/62 an arthrodesis of the terminal interphalangeal joint of the great toe was performed, peroneous longus transplant and a transfer of the extensor hallucis to the neck of the first metatarsal. Patient tolerated all the procedures well.
Two weeks post-operatively she had casts removed, stitches removed with the exception of the pull out sutures in the plantar surface of the foot. Patient then had another cast applied, crutches were given and is to return to the hospital two Saturdays following discharge, at which time the pull-out suture can be removed and a short leg cast with a walker can be applied.
3/31/62
Patient is now 4 1/2 weeks post-op. Peroneous longus transplant and Jones procedure. Cast removed, pull-out sutures removed, walking cast applied. Patient to return to school on Monday. Will be able to walk on the cast at that time. She is to return in six weeks, at which time, the cast will be removed and a short leg brace with Klenzic lift will be applied. I believe that we have a second hand brace here which will probably fit the child, for a limited period of time. E.R. Green M.D.
4/28/62
Patient is now seven weeks post-operative. The intermedullary pin was removed from the end of the great toe. This bled slightly and a bandage was placed on.
Satisfactory fusion of the inter-phalangeal joint seems to have taken place. The patient to be admitted at the end of five weeks for one week's time. During this period she will have physical therapy for training of the new transplants and a spring brace applied to the leg to act as a lift for the period of three months for these transplanted tendons. E.R. Green M.D.
Then I was admitted again on June 16, 1962 for the right foot to be operated on in the exact same way.
The last notes written about my foot operations was written on 9/5/62 by a Dr. L. Lewis. He was a resident doctor at that time, as was Dr. Green. He had left by this time. They only stay so long at a hospital and then move on to another one. Dr. Strobino was the ehad doctor at that time and these guys trained under him.
9/5/62
At this time, the patient has worn her left short leg brace for approximately three months, following removal of her previously applied left plaster, short-leg cast. She has undergone a ilateral peroneous longus tendon transplant to the dorsum of the foot, in conjunction of the great toes, bilaterally.
The left short leg brace should now be able to be removed and the patient not require the use of it any longer. As a result, the brace is being switched over to the right side, where she has been using, for the last two to three weeks, the posterior shell, as a rear splint, of her previous right, short-leg walking cast. This will be discarded as soon as Mr. English makes the nescessary adjustments to place the left, short leg brace on the right shoe. She will then use this for the next three months, as a short leg brace.
At the present time, she is just a few days short of 12 weeks post-operative for her right foot tendon transplant procedures. She will continue using the right short leg brace until she is approximately six months post-op.
That is the last time I saw a doctor. Never went back again except for at a clinic once in Ilion. They looked at my feet and told me to come back if I ever had any problems. Guess I never did. Not until 1996 when my legs started getting very weak.
I don't have many photos from this time but what I have I added here. During that time my cousin, Jane, had broken her leg. So we were standing side by side at my Aunt's house when these photos were taken. I don't have the originals. I had copied them on paper one year and sent Jane the originals. That is why they are not good. In the other one I am sitting on our porch with the first cast on.
As I mentioned earlier, my mother quit working at Remington. She was pregnant again . My father had an accident on his job that year too. They were moving a house down the road and he was on top of it when they came to some power lines. I guess he didn't see them in time to duck and he got knocked off the roof. Both of his legs were broke and he had to have casts on his legs. When he did come home he had to use a wheelchair. It was hell after that. My father got even meaner. He'd use his crutches to hit us. Mostly my brother Steve. For some reason poor Steve rubbed him the wrong way all the time. He'd hit that kid for any little reason.
We were back on Welfare again. Everything seemed to go down hill from then on.
My mother had my sister Pamela on December 3, 1961. Now there were ten children! Lord help us! My father was still in his wheelchair at that time. I have one photo of the day Pam came home with my father holding her.
I used to babysit for a woman in Frankfort during this time. She had five children. I got the job through my father's friend Ben. He was going out with Verna at that time. It was money for me to buy extra clothes etc. Lots of times I'd take the bus up and other times someone would pick me up. She liked to go out at night on weekends and I continued to babysit long after she and Ben broke up. Those five kids were wild. The oldest was only a couple years younger than me and he was a problem child. Always running off and giving his mom a hard time. Their father had died recently I think. The youngest was about three at that time. But I was used to kids so it didn't bother me. There was a neighbor boy that lived two houses away that used to come over. I got to liking him a little and then we'd end up kissing. But that was it. Thank heavens! His name was Gary. He was just a nice kid really. Lost touch with him though after I quit babysitting. Years and years later I did run in to him a few times. One time he even asked me if I wanted to continue where we left off years ago.. Ha! Nope! He wasn't my type. Whatever that means..
While I was at Verna's, someone had some cute little puppies to give away. So naturally I took one and brought it home. I was allowed to keep him. He was a cute little dog. A mix between a Beagle and a Bulldog maybe. Just a mutt. He was brown, black and white. The boys built him a little house out back and that is where he stayed most of the time unless we took him for a walk up in the hills, which he loved. My brothers would walk him a lot. They could run with him. I couldn't.
Sam was a friendly little dog. He never grew too big. About the size of a Beagle. At the end of 1961 and into the winter, it got way below zero one night and I begged my father to let Sam come into the cellar for the night. He wouldn't let me bring him in though. The next morning we found Sam froze to death. I cried so hard over him and so did my brothers and sisters. All my father could say is, "You boys take him up in the hills and drop him off somewhere". And that's what my brothers did. They took him not too far but over the top of the little hill and down in the gully. They found what was left of him in the spring. I never went near that area. It was so cruel to just dump him like that.
So that was another heartache in my life. I never brought another dog home after that. Here's a photo of Sam.
The girls next door seemed to get wilder as they got older. I was more friends with Vivian than the others. She was my age. Her sister Vicky seemed more stuck up than the others. Not sure why. Just the way she acted I guess. Then there was Gloria. She was the prettier one of the group and acted nice all the time. Doris, the older one was the crazier one. She's the one who liked to take walks up the road to hopefully get picked up by a truck driver. Not sure if she ever really did. All those girls climbed down sheet ropes to escape for the night sometimes. It was funny to watch them. I'm surprised they never fell and got hurt because it was quite a ways down onto a dirt driveway. I'm not sure how they ever got back in. Gloria had a nice boyfriend and I think she got pregnant on purpose just to get out of that house. She ended up marrying him and they are still together.
They used to like pouring lighter fluid down the side of the house and setting it on fire! Can you imagine! Yikes! That whole house could have burned. They thought it was funny.
The Aunt they lived with had a daughter named Ginny. I never liked her much after what Vivian told me she had said one time. Ginny would come to visit her mother once in a while. She was married. They were all sitting on the porch one afternoon . I was all dressed and ready to go to a school dance and had to walk all the way. I tried to wear pumps (low heeled shoes) so I'd look more dressy. I got just to the railroad tracks and had to turn around and come back to change those shoes. I could not walk in them. Vivian told me later that her "sister' Ginny had been making fun of the way I walked. She said I walked like I had a corn cob stuck up my rear end. She used another word of course. I never forgot that and even over the years if I saw her I'd still have ill feelings toward her. I'd just say hi and walk away. Funny how things like that stay with you all your life.
Old Mrs. Griffin would sit on her porch and make fun of some people also. There was a girl up the road that would walk by on her way to the gas station. Well, Mrs. Griffin never liked that girl because she wore short shorts. She said some nasty things about Connie. Just jealous I guess because she was so heavy. If only she knew us kids saw her coming out her back door and peeing in the corner.Ha! Ha!
Old Mr. Griffin was a pervert. He'd lure my little sister, Jane, over to him with pennies. Then when she got close he'd drop them in her pants and then put his hands down them to get the pennies. I never saw this happen but heard about it later. He did a lot of weird stuff. But I am not going to talk about it here. He'd be in jail for sure if it was now.
A lot of strange things happened over there in North Ilion.
I have just one photo of the Griffin girls from 1961. See that car they are leaning against? They used to take the gas cap off and sniff the gas fumes. Crazy!! Ha!
Us kids used to play up in the hills a lot. Sometimes we'd crawl through the huge pipes that ran underneath the N.Y.S. Thruway and play on the other side. There were lots of trees with vines on them and we'd swing on them like monkeys. Other times we'd play in the old cemetery. We'd scare the crap out of each other, especially when it started to get dark. There was an old building with the door partly open. I guess it was an abandoned mausoleum where they used to keep the caskets. That was real spooky when the night shadows started playing tricks on us. Yikes! We'd get out of there fast and head home. The other kids could run. I had to walk as fast as I could..
Mackin's Hill was fun in the winter. The Mackins were an old couple that lived down the road and had a few cows. My brother, Jim, used to go help old man Mackin with the milking and he'd come home with his dollar for the day and some cream to make butter with. The hills were perfect for sledding. I can remember almost hitting the barb wire fence a few times. It was fun coming down but an awful climb back up. Lots of fun though. The whole neighborhood would be up there sledding. Sometimes even a few kids from in town would be up there. And there would be fights too. My sister Chris would get into a fight with some girl or the boys would be fighting with other boys. Guess that is normal, or so I thought.. The only one I ever got into a fight with was my sister Jeanne. She had a wicked temper and seems like we hated each other for a while.
I had a room to myself when I was about fourteen years old. My Aunt Dorothy bought me paint. I picked out yellow, so it would be bright and cheery compared to the rest of the dull looking house.
I enjoyed fixing up that little room. Aunt Ruth and Uncle Joe gave me a single bed that had a headboard that he carved himself. It was very nice. I got a new linoleum for the floor from Aunt Dorothy also. I put a lock on the inside of the door for privacy. I didn't like all the little kids coming in and bothering me. There were eight kids under me at that time. I loved to read and would stay up till the wee hours of the morning just to finish a book. No wonder I hated getting up for school in the mornings. Ha! Books were my way of escaping reality.
I don't remember why I didn't stay in that room too long. It might have been too cold in the winter. I ended up sharing a room with my sister, Jeanne. At first we were in the middle bedroom, sharing one bed. Then we moved to the front bedroom and each had our own bed and dresser. It was the nicest bedroom in the house really. Had a big window that looked out into the front yard. We could see the main road and the railroad tracks and the canal from there. We kept our room very neat and clean but Jeanne and I didn't get along that well and we'd draw a line down the middle and didn't dare step on each other's side of the bedroom. It's funny how kids can be as teenagers.
It was my parent's bedroom at first but they moved downstairs to a small room right over the furnace. They were nice and warm. We didn't have any heat upstairs. It was so cold in the winter that ice formed on the inside of the walls and we could make snowballs out of it. There was no insulation in that old cement block house and my father never let us have any heat upstairs. He shut off all the registers and hung blankets across doorways so no heat could get up there. It was cheaper to heat the house that way. He didn't care that we were freezing to death and the little ones were getting frostbitten from peeing n their beds and kicking the blankets off. In the mornings we'd all run downstairs and stand next to the kitchen stove to get warm. It was terrible and when I think back on that now, I really wonder how we lived through it.
One winter we were rolling snowballs in the front yard. We'd roll them till they were so big we couldn't budge them another inch. My father didn't like that too well when he came home drunk and saw the whole yard filled with giant snowballs. I heard him bitching to my mother about them. He didn't say anything the next day though. He just liked to argue when he was drunk. And whoever got in his way would get hit usually. Most of time it was our mother that got the batting around. But he didn't care if it was three in the morning. He'd always find something to yell about. One night he got us all out of bed in the wee hours and made us go outside and pick grass for the two rabbits that he said we didn't feed that day. We did, of course, but he was just a sadistic bastard.
The Griffin boy next door was a very mean kid at times. He and my brothers would get into fights all the time it seemed. Freddie would kick my brothers in the head or anywhere on their bodies. Other times he'd be all nice to them.
My mother was deathly afraid of snakes. She couldn't even look at a photo of one. Well, my father was outside when Freddie came down from the hill with a small grass snake in his hand. My father told him to take it in the house and show my mother. She about had a heart attack that day. I guess when mom was a little girl she got scared real bad from a snake and then she said when she was a little older someone gave her some meat that they said was chicken. After she ate it they told her she had just eaten snake meat. She said she threw up all the rest of the day and actually got sick from it. It bothered her that much. So you see how bad my father was.
In the summer we'd go up in the hills and pick apples and pears and whatever we could find. There were always berries to pick up there. It's amazing that so much fruit grows wild like that. So at least we'd have fresh fruit. Sometimes we'd get a bunch of apples and then make applesauce.
We didn't have it too bad those first few years we lived there in North Ilion. My father had a job and my mother even went back to work at Remington for a while. It was the only time in our young lives that we got an allowance! We felt rich! Our father gave us each a quarter and so did our mother. I almost felt normal that year in 1961. Then it all came to an end very fast. I remember my mother getting done. I think she was pregnant again and maybe that is why she quit. Or it's because my father was too jealous of her working. I know he beat her so bad one night that she went to work with two black eyes and the other women wanted her to have him arrested. But of course she could never, ever do that! He'd beat her worse!
I've added one of our Christmas photos from 1960. Those little kids looked so cold.
My mother was pregnant again and my little sister, Carol, was born in July of that year. Now there were nine children. My Aunt Dorothy took me to Buffalo with her one weekend that summer to visit her brother, my Uncle Don and his family. That is them in one of the photos. I liked my Uncle Don. He was a gentle man. He worked for the Government. Not sure what he did though. He was a very good carpenter too, and built all his furniture in that house. That's where I am in this photo and next to my cousin, Neil, in the other. My sister, Jeanne, holding Carol. My sister, Jeanne, my brother, Steve and Debby in the other photo. There were some good times.
