June 10th-11th-12th-13th- 1963-Mom Died

June 10, 1963
We all got up to go to school this morning. I was the first one up. There was a note lying on the dining table. It was from mom. She told me to wake Jeanne up to help get the little ones off to school, but not Ricky because he had the measles and had to stay home. She wrote, "Be good all you kids" "Love Mom". Jeanne tore up the note. Guess she was mad that she had to do that.
Mom had gone to the hospital at 4:00 in the morning. Dad had to ride his bike over the tracks and bridge to the A&P to the public phone to call a taxi. Dad had come home for a few minutes to tell me to stay home that afternoon. He said mom was in an oxygen tent. I had only a half day of school that day, in the afternoon.
Shortly after he left, the hospital called to Mrs. Rose's house next door. They wanted to talk to Dad and was told that he had already left.
I had a funny feeling that something was wrong. Why would the hospital be calling? Maybe the baby had something wrong with it.
I waited to hear from Dad. No word yet. Ricky was sick and laying on the couch with measles. Debby, Carol and Pam were playing, and all excited to have a new baby soon.
Between 3:00 and 4:00 P.M. my father was walking up the sidewalk with our minister, Rev. VanOrnum and my Aunt Ruth. I started getting real nervous. Rev. VanOrnum never comes to our house. I thought to myself that something went wrong with the baby. Mom had gone into the hospital all those other times to have babies and nothing ever happened.
The other kids were just starting to get home from school. Rev. VanOrnum told us the best way he could that our mom had died. The baby boy had been born at 1:46 that afternoon but my mother started hemorrhaging and they couldn't stop it, no matter how much blood they gave her.
We were all crying. The little ones couldn't figure out what was wrong. How do you tell little children that their mother just died? They didn't quite understand. Soon all the kids were home and got the sad news and it was so hard to try and stop crying.
Aunt Dorothy (Mom's sister) came speeding down from Syracuse as fast as she could and my Uncle Don came right down also from Utica. Meanwhile Rev. VanOrnum left us so that we could all cry together.
It was a terrible time for all of us. I never dreamed that mom would die. I felt very guilty all of a sudden, remembering how I swore at her sometimes. We all did. I guess I just had lost some respect for her because she allowed my father to beat her and us kids all the time. Now I would never forgive myself for saying anything mean to her. (I sometimes wonder how my sister Jeanne feels. She was real mean to mom at times.)

Preparations had to be made for the funeral. I remember going with my Aunt Dorothy to help pick out a casket. Aunt Dorothy always kept a small insurance policy on mom so that she wouldn't have a "welfare" funeral. The way she talked is that people on welfare only get a cheap pine box. We picked out a very nice casket. That was a very difficult thing to do. Aunt Dorothy even bought mom a new dress. I never knew that the ones you buy from the funeral homes are only half dresses and open in the back. She could have worn one of her favorite fancy dresses I thought. But I was only a 16 1/2 year old kid. What did I know? I don't remember dad going with us. I presume he didn't because my mother's sisters hated him, for all the beatings he gave her over the years. In fact, I found out later that when Aunt Ruth was driving him home that day she wanted to run him into a tree. She didn't even think about killing herself. Sure glad she didn't do that. She had four kids of her own and a nice husband.

I borrowed a dress from my cousin to wear to the funeral parlors the first night. I was crying so much before I even went there and then I couldn't go into the room where she was. I stayed in the other room. It was all a blur to me. All these people coming up to me and saying how sorry they were.
6/11/63-Tuesday Wrote in my diary.
I didn't look at Ma tonight. I was afraid to.

There were lots and lots of people there. I never knew mom had so many friends. But she had grown up in Ilion and graduated from Ilion High. She had been a nurses aid and worked at the Remington Typewriter Factory when she was young and then again in 1960-61. All I remember is wanting them people to shut up every time they came up to me that first night.
The next morning Aunt Dorothy took me to J's, a nice ladies clothing store in Ilion, and bought me a very nice navy and white dress. She wanted me to look nice for the funeral.

6/12/63-Wednesday
I got through this day alright. I cry every time I go there. I finally went over to mom's casket. I couldn't believe all the flowers! There were lots and lots, all over the room. They were so pretty. One bunch said "Husband' and another bunch said "Wife" and yet another said "Children" and one said "Sisters and brothers". On and on.( I never did read all the cards till later.)
Mom looked so peaceful lying in that casket. She looked like she was just resting. Till I touched her. She was so cold. I had to sit down because I started to cry too hard again.

June 13, 1963-Thursday
I will never forget this day. It was very hard to sit in that front row in front of mom. I was crying all through the service and really didn't hear much of what Rev. VanOrnum was saying. It was a short service. Then we all had to go up to the casket one by one and say our last goodbyes and prayers. Then out to the waiting big black cars and to the cemetery. Dad sat in the front seat. I and some of the kids were right behind him in the back . Dad was crying too! I never thought he would ever cry! He must have been holding it all inside till he got in that car. I didn't see him cry inside. (Maybe it was his guilt)

I hated the thought of our mother being put into the ground. There was a cement vault lining the hole and I guess then they lower the casket into that. It made me feel better to know that she wouldn't have dirt all over her nice casket. (Funny how we think in times like that)
The service at the cemetery was quick and then we all got back into the cars and went back to the funeral home and got into Aunt Ruth and Aunt Dorothy's cars to go back to our house.
Some of the relatives were already at our house and there was so much food!
I was so embarrassed to have all those people in the house though. We didn't have a working toilet and no hot water. The house was terrible. We never had any furniture that looked nice. we'd just throw covers over the couch to cover the holes.
A cousin of my mom's, Ida, from Oneida, was a big woman, and I can recall her having to go to the bathroom and I thought to myself, " Oh no! How will she ever fit into that chair with the pot under it?" But she came out and never said a word about it. Guess she fit okay. That's all we had for a toilet. A wooden chair that had the seat cut out of it and rails underneath that you could slide a pot onto. When it got full, the boys would have to take it out back and dump it into a hole that my father had dug. Yuk! Can you imagine living like that? I can't ,now, but we survived somehow.
There were still clothes hanging on the line and I can remember wishing I had taken them down so Uncle Don wouldn't see how gray the white ones were. Uncle Don and Aunt Helen had such a nice home with all new furniture. I don't think Uncle Neil came to the house. I can't recall him being there. Just at the funeral home. We weren't that close to his family even though they lived right in Ilion. His kids seemed to look down on us in school because we were poor.

I still can't believe all the people that came to see our mother at the funeral home and to the funeral. The book that everyone signed is full! I'm so glad that my mother was well liked. It means a lot to me.